Obedience can be frightening

I did something very scary this week, but I know it was the right thing to do. But boy did I have my doubts. Does that ever happen to you?

As you know, my Bible reading has my friend and I in the book of Numbers. In the past I think I’ve quickly skimmed these chapters (shame on me!). But Monday’s passage was exactly what I needed to obey and follow through with what I started.

It’s obvious I love to write for the newspaper. At least I hope you realize I enjoy this process, even though it’s often terrifying and can put me in hot water with my family.

But I also love creative writing. Years ago my make-believe furry friend the raccoon got a lot of my attention. When I self-published two books, his name started out as Rascal Raccoon (because we were raising three rascals!) and then when a publisher got involved and I got a very threatening note from a millionaire author who had a minor character by the same name, so we changed it to Rowdy Raccoon. Yes, I folded under pressure. Mine was probably out there first, but who has money to waste to fight for something so silly. 

Anyway, Rowdy has retired, although if he wanted to come out of retirement, I’d be all for it! In the meantime God gave me the idea for a non-fiction book about an event I was close to. (All the teachers say, “Write what you know.” So I did … or I’m doing.)

Through some very unusual events, doors kept opening for me to submit a proposal to a literacy agency and to a specific agent. So, a couple of months ago, I dated the first page of the proposal for Monday, May 17. Then I realized I still had a lot more information to gather for them plus polish the first 50 pages of the manuscript they wanted to see, I was doubtful I could make my own personal deadline. But I kept trying.

I kept feeling the nudges to be obedient … just try. On Monday afternoon I was hit with the biggest case of fear. It hit me like a ton of bricks! Negative thoughts kept running through my head that I had to dismiss as my enemy! 

Even though I felt like it was a pointless exercise, I continued to finish up the 67 page proposal. (It’s a big deal! And they want to know so much information!!!) Then I got the last recommendation I had been waiting for and cried because it was such a blessing and encouragement for me to continue. 

Believe me, I know this book project may never be accepted by the agency, or sold to a publisher. But I know I was supposed to do the project —  if nothing else, for the family to keep.

Numbers 14 was a crossroads situation for the Children of Israel. The narrator of my devotion said, “Will you be heeding the voice of the faithful or the doubters telling you to shrink back. The Children of Israel had seen God work miracles on their behalf. Would they trust the one who had led them so faithfully for so long?”

Then he added, “When the present is hard, don’t long for the past. Hope for the future. If you walk through your life facing backwards you will trip. Walk forward. God calls it Heavenly walking. Press on.”

Also on Monday, I received the newsletter from author and speaker, Jon Gordon. He is always so positive and upbeat … always good to read. I was shocked to see that his entire newsletter was about encouraging his readers to press on with what they had been called to do.

Gordon wrote, “Remember, your purpose is greater than your challenges and your belief must be greater than all the negativity and doubt.”

I’m really not sure why God laid it on my heart to share this personal experience with you. But maybe there is someone who is ready to take the plunge and follow Christ. (I can promise you will never regret accepting Jesus Christ as your personal Savior and Lord.) Maybe God is asking you to start serving in your local church … go back to school, or maybe get back into church … or faithfully read your Bible!

But whatever God has called you to do, don’t be afraid to be obedient. “He who calls you is faithful, who also will do it.” I Thessalonians 5:24.

Like I said, this project may never go anywhere. But I had the biggest sense of peace and obedience when I hit “send” on my computer. Now of course, I wonder if I had all the information they wanted?  Was it in the right order?  Did I overlook any mistakes? But once again, I have to walk forwards, not backwards. Keep reading in Numbers. In today’s passage, Numbers 14, the earth opens and swallows up whole families, their tents and possessions for showing contempt for God … that’s a whole ‘nother column! Let’s be obedient and keep trusting!