Mistletoe for misfits...

It is October already - happy spooky season to those who celebrate it! Having identified as a goth in my adolescence and as a general weirdo…well…always, I am often mistaken for a spooky season stan. (For anyone who was too young or too old to watch the rise of Marshall Mathers — stan means “really, really big fan.”)

I’m actually, oddly enough, a bigger nerd for Christmas than I am for Halloween. I know that both holidays are mostly just excuses to get shoppers spending money on new stuff these days — consumerism is one ideology we nearly all participate in (but I’ll save the extended rant on that for another day.)

I’ve always liked the idea of Santa as a symbol of generosity and joy but he does operate as “just one guy.” He has helpers, sure, but the operation really depends on him being at the top of everything, figuratively and geographically. I’m not a stan for this kind of persistent isolationism.

As a kid, and still today, one of my favorite Christmas traditions was watching the Rankin/Bass presentation of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer on tv. Santa was a factor, but not the main guy. I had a massive crush on Yukon Cornelious (So boisterous! So confident! Even if he was materialistic!) but one of my favorite parts of the program was the “Island of Misfit Toys.”

I don’t think I ever believed Santa was “real,” of course, but I was fully on board with the existence of misfits. The misfit toys in the stop-motion show included a cowboy riding an ostrich instead of a horse, an elephant with spots, and a “Charlie-in-the-box.” These were the toys who didn’t fit the mold — the idea was that no one would want to play with the weird toys. As a weird kid, I identified with the misfit toys.

I still relate to the toys — but not because they’re weird, not because they are misfits; rather it’s because they were a whole community of misfits. The main characters of the story were misfits too — Rudolph with his nose so bright, and Hermey — the elf who would rather be a dentist than a toymaker. These characters’ storylines move forward because they all find each other. I think that was my big takeaway, the idea that individuals achieve more when they get together and that there is a community for everyone. It took me a long time to really see that, and appreciate it enough to implement the concept into my life and find a community I felt I “fit” with.

I am writing this on October 11 — which is annually celebrated as “National Coming Out Day,” a day to celebrate and support people, particularly LGBTQ+ people, as they “come out” and reveal things about themselves that could be scary and even dangerous to reveal. It’s an important day for a lot of people, and it’s an important act to speak out for who you are — this is how community is built. We can’t come together, if we hide who we are.

So, happy Coming Out Day to those who celebrate it too, right here in the middle of the spooky season. I hope that anyone who has been made to feel they should “stay in” rather than come out - whether it be because they are LGBTQ or simply because they are a bit of a misfit in any way, knows that there is a community for them, waiting to support them. That same community sends love and understanding to those who do not feel safe enough yet — follow your own heart.

Coming Out Day is one holiday I would love to see end eventually — it shouldn’t be so challenging for people to live out loud as their authentic selves and find their people, and their place in the world, that we need a special day for them to risk it.

I don’t think I have anyone in my personal life now who isn’t at least a little bit of a weirdo by standard conventions. My weirdo friends, family, and lovers are my community though, and I am grateful that we have all found one another. I want to line everyone I love up for smooches and laughs under the mistletoe. These misfits bring me joy.

My Christmas wish this year (and Christmas will be here before you know it) will be that everyone can achieve the same peace I find within my own community — to be surrounded by love and acceptance, to find their own fellowship of misfits.